


The Engagement

by Runnermin323



Category: Suits (US TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-13 22:29:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17496587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Runnermin323/pseuds/Runnermin323
Summary: Harvey finds something tucked away in Donna’a desk next to their can opener.





	The Engagement

Everything should have been perfect. At least, that’s what she kept telling herself.  But as she stared at her finger and looked up at the building - her home - she knew that she had made the wrong decision. She knew she would have to tell Thomas that she had made a mistake.

Things _had_ been perfect. Thomas had become a welcome distraction for Donna. After _that_ kiss, the break-up with Paula, and the weeks of wondering if him choosing her in the end had really changed anything. Because after all that, after he made a really bold statement by ripping up her resignation letter while standing in her doorway that night with eyebrow lifted, Harvey had still yet to show her that anything had changed.

And so when Thomas came into her life and made her feel - something - _anything_ , really, it was welcoming. They had laughed. Which was something that she hadn’t done in a long time. They had laughed over candlelit dinners in the special hole-in-the-wall places that Thomas had found for her. They laughed as they whispered reviews back and forth together after attending plays. Plays he knew she loved. Plays he had gone out of his way to get tickets for. And they certainly laughed under her bed sheets as they teased each other after spending hours together intertwined during the night hours. Nighttime hours that she had spent alone for years. Hours that Harvey generally spent with other women.

She got caught up in it all. He had made her feel special and seen for awhile. She actually did think that maybe she could love him - eventually. But as she exited the cab and knew she was walking into the place that she most felt herself, she could never love Thomas the way that she had ever loved Harvey. He had distracted her long enough to know that distractions will fade and reveal the thing that you’ve been avoiding for so long.

As she walked into the building, she played back the details of the night before. The box being presented at dinner. He had done it in the restaurant. How could she have had said no to begin with in front of all those people? The scene it would have made. And despite Donna Paulsen not being afraid to make a scene, she really didn’t want to be that woman that turned down a proposal from a perfectly nice man in a nice restaurant full of nice people. It just wasn’t .. nice. As she stepped, she cringed. This was pathetic. She even thought about just leaving and going to break it off now. Just parading around for the day as an engaged woman seemed like such a fraud. She thought about calling Mike and Rachel later to let them know Mike was not the only one that could pull off fraudulent identities. They'd get a kick out of it but then silently feel sorry for her. She was still pining away for Harvey after all these years.

It was as she got off the elevator, that she realized she needed to slip the ring off. If he saw it. Well, she didn’t know what he’d do. Harvey knew things were getting serious with Thomas. He was polite enough to check in every once in awhile. He’d ask how things were going and would play on repeat, “I’m happy for you, Donna.”

 

_“How’s everything going with Thomas.”_

_“Things are great, Harvey. Thank you for asking.”_

_“I’m happy for you, Donna.”_

 

_“Going out to dinner again with Thomas?”_

_“Yes. He made reservations at that little Italian place you suggested.”_

_“I’m happy for you, Donna.”_

 

If he was bothered or intimidated by Thomas, he certainly hadn’t shown it. Not even a little. Which made breaking things off with Thomas a bit crazier considering she knew that this would lead to another streak of loneliness. Of pining away for the man she’d been in love with for 12 years with no chance of actually ever being together.

As she crossed the room to her office and over to her desk, the first thing she did was slip the ring into her drawer. She smirked when she saw the can opener and placed the ring in the back of the drawer.

“Hey Donna.”

She looked up and saw that he seemed to be in a anxious. All the dust seemed to settle from all of the threats to the firm lately but he seemed off this morning.

“Hey. Do you need something?”

He looked around the office for a moment. She raised her eyebrow to him. They always said more without words. And she could read through Harvey’s every last movement. Something was up.

“No, I just wanted to say ‘Good Morning’. How was your night?”

This was their new routine since she started dating Thomas. He was extra professional. No more drinks after long days. No more goofball conversations. Harvey had become Mr. Professional and she knew it was a statement about her “mistake” of a kiss that broke up his relationship with Paula. He was better. He made his point.

“It was good. Just dinner with Thomas. How was your night, Harvey?”

“I worked late. Just trying to get caught up after everything.”

She nodded. He was lingering. He looked anxiously around the desk.

“Is everything okay, Harvey? Do you need to talk about something?”

He quickly tried to put himself back together. She watched as he straightened up. Straightened his tie. Tugged on his suit jacket.

“Everything’s fine, Donna. Just wanted to check in.”

And he strode out. She shook her head and quickly started going through her mental to-do list in her head. If something was up, she better have all of the stuff she needed to do done so she could help him later when he ultimately would ask for help later. She rolled her eyes. Except he wouldn’t ask for help. He’d stroll in and make his demands. And then ask how Thomas was. He was Mr. Professional now, after all.

 

***~***

 

It had been a long day. As she exited the elevator to the firm, she was a mixture of sad and _relieved_. She had run to Thomas’ apartment after she knew he’d be home from work. The ring was everything it should have been, too but coming from him it just wasn’t even worth paying too close attention to.

 

_“I’m not ready for this. I’m sorry.”_

_“This has something to do with Harvey, doesn’t it?”_

_“No. I am just not ready for marriage. I want to focus on my career.”_

 

They always ask. Did it have something to do with Harvey? It always did. The hallways were empty. The lights were dimmed throughout the office. It was late. She would probably be the only one back here to work.

She saw him standing in the window before she even entered the room. He was slouched over staring at the windowsill, fingers pressed hard into the stone. She knew right away that he was hurting. He only slouched that way when he was defeated. Broken.

“Harvey? Are you okay?”

He turned to look at her and she stepped back a bit. He was scaring her. Something happened. His face said everything. Was he holding back tears?

“Harvey? What’s wrong? Talk to me.”

He stepped back and turned his body so that he was leaning against the windowsill now. She went to step closer to him. To do anything to comfort him.

“No, dont. I don’t want to do anything that we’ll both regret.”

She walked in front of him and leaned on her desk. She was far enough away to keep her distance but close enough to reach in to touch his knee if needed.

“What would we regret, Harvey?”

“I’m too late.”

Was it a deal? Was the firm in trouble again? Her brain started going to all the mental checklists in her mind of people that owed her favors. But this Harvey. This Harvey was different. This wasn’t business.

“You’re too late with what? Did something happen with a case?”

Looking down, he shook his head. He started to stare around the room again. Before she knew it, he was leaning over her reaching for the drawer with their can opener. His eyes were big and glazed over.

And then it hit her. He was going for the drawer she had put the ring in earlier. The drawer that no longer contained a ring. Only the can opener. Their can opener. And she watched him fumble around for awhile before she finally asked what exactly he was doing.

“The ring, Donna. I’m looking for the goddamn ring you were hiding.”

“Harvey…”

“No, you listen. I fucked up. God, I found that thing today and I nearly… I nearly lost my goddamn mind.”

She stood. Eagerly waiting to see if he’d say more. She knew she should tell him but would it change his mind if she were actually available? Was this all just a ploy to get her single again. To be by his side without _being_ by his side?

“Donna, I know you said you didn’t feel anything that night. But the reason I was so mad at you was because I felt everything. I felt everything that I knew I would feel after all of our years together… but apart. I felt guilty.”

Before she could even stop herself, “You felt something?”

“Yes.”

“Harvey, I’m not engaged.”

His jaw froze. She didn’t know if he was automatically going to go on the defensive. Would he take it all back now that she was available?

“I know you’re engaged, Donna. I know he proposed in the restaurant last night.”

She folded her arms.

“And how on earth, did you know that?”

“Some client I was trying to sign was at that restaurant last night and mentioned a CEO he knew getting engaged last night to a redhead. And asked if it was the brilliant COO of our firm.” His voice cracked.

Before she could interrupt, he added, “I came in here after you went to lunch today and I was looking to see if you still had our can opener. I wanted to know if there was still a chance for me and I saw the ring.”

“Harvey.”

He looked at her. Straight in the eyes and she had never seen him feel so many emotions right in front of her face.

“Harvey, I just gave him back the ring.”

He straightened up a little. Tried to get some composure. She knew it. This would change his tune. It always did. _Not like that, Donna. I care for you but it doesn’t change anything._ She went through all of the excuses. She used them, too.

“Why? I thought things were going well.” She saw his jaw tighten.

She stood up and sank in her desk chair. Harvey moved to the chair behind her desk. Desk becoming the barrier. There always was a barrier. 

“Well, Harvey, I just didn’t love him and I couldn’t live a lie.”

“I’m sorry, Donna.”

And they both sat. Staring at the desk in front of them. She gave him a few minutes to decide whether he would share what this was all about. _I’m too late. I felt everything._ But, she knew if she pushed him that he’d retreat. He’d put his guards back up before she could get an answer. She gave him one last look. A plea.

_Talk to me, Harvey. Tell me - finally - how you feel._

He looked away. At the floor. And with that she picked herself up like Donna always did. And started to stroll as cool as she could through the room. He didn’t need to see the ache in her step. But walking away from a closed Harvey was easy these days. And that was that. He was here to break off her engagement but not do anything about it.

“It’s late, Harvey. I should get home.”

She saw his fists hit the desk. And she turned startled toward him. He crossed the room slowly but determined. But his face softened. And as he stepped in front of her, she gave in - finally - as he placed his hand on the back of her neck and pulled her into him. Lips touching. And she knew.

 

_~ It comes and goes in waves. It always does. It always does. ~_


End file.
